No one reads these right? Sometimes we need to vent but have no one to talk to, the ones who once there to listen aren't anymore and to get our slight release of emotions we find a journal a forum a place to pour all these feelings into for a temporary relief. Especially when the ones who we want to see it the most probably never will.

I've got plenty of problems piling up, this and that person saying I should do this and asking me why this and why not that. I mean, I don't want to, what's wrong with that? I don't want to put myself in a situation I will back out of, I don't want to hurt others and my self in the process. I can wait, I can wait for you, I can wait for myself, I can wait for us. What ever that may be. I want it to all be over with, but I don't want to rush.

I have problems with people, I don't like the way people around me are, and I sure as hell don't like the way they treat other's. Sometimes I don't like the way I treat others. Some people I can speak openly to their face, yet others I feel my opinion is wrong. I don't speak and wish I do, I'm afraid of what the consequences are. I try not to care, but this I can not do.

I want to not care, and in the situation of who to see and who to not, I have. They tell me I should see others, see those who are suppose to be my friends, but honestly what's it to them? I don't want to see those people. The people who put me in this place, I don't want to see you, the person who made all this happen. You think it's all going to get better but it wont, time they say heals all wounds, but how can you be so sure?

I base these decisions on all that I know, I can't be sure of what the future is to bring. Just because everything may turn up in the end doesn't mean I should rush in right now. I like this little safe place I have where little is a surprise and I'm not put into those uneasy situations, like I was once at the beginning.

I like this place I'm in, I don't need you or anyone else saying I need to do this or I need to see these people. Because if it works, why change it?

I pushed everyone aside and you had no objections, just as I thought, you didn't give half a damn. You saw it for the better, and at this point still want it to stay this way. You say so many things but your actions can't bring me to think anything but the opposite. I'm left with so many questions. I want to ask them all at once but am never given enough time, I'd love to type them all here for you to see but somehow I can never recall what I truly want answered when I'm given the chance. But, you most likely, wont be reading this will you? If you do, I probably will never know.

You think you've got it all figured out, but you really don't know what's best for me, so please stop thinking you do.

This probably makes no sense to most people, I don't even think the people who it's mainly directed toward will get it. You can say anything you want but it's all words, they really don't make a difference. I just want to keep going but I think that I'd just be repeating myself, I will be splitting things up and they will be all jumbled and make less sense than they already do. I want what's mine, I want to to all be well. You know what I mean, Love. You are so negative. I was okay, you made me no longer, you always hurt my feelings, do you mean it? Probably not. It's these things that make me sway from staying. You can never not say the wrong thing. You're flawed, never perfect. Who is? You will never be anything more than what we think of you.

"I love you more than when I did when you were mine"
I sure hope that's not true.